Разрушитель - Пересекая реку: Закрытие 27.11.2020 (анг)

it says we're live
are we live can we hear me
[Music]
this thing a little bit closer hopefully
you can hear me
thumbs up if you can hear me
yes no maybe yes no maybe
yay you can hear me
all right well
hi everybody welcome
um this is gonna get awkward
but uh
first thing you'll probably notice i
guess is that the title of the video is
not as advertised
i didn't do that on purpose
what i said we would be talking about is
more or less what we will
be talking about will
and conviction
the two later parts of magic my
as an adult i've had a few different
doctors now tell me that
i'm autistic um i wasn't raised or
diagnosed as autistic so i've never had
any type of
i don't know treatment cuddling for that
so i just learned to live with it uh one
of the things that will happen though is
i'll do things like this where i set out
to make two videos
and um i plan on it and everything's
fine but then
as time goes over i think about this so
much that
new ideas come forward and i decide to
hey [ __ ] it let's just
sandwich both videos together so that's
what has happened here
is um had the idea to do
one video kind of just on magic
and then another video where i i wanted
to tell you a story and explain some
things
and uh uh kind of
maybe be a little bit self-indulgent in
that there's just some things i want to
share with you
i need water more water i should just
hold on to this thing
but in terms of magic um the imagine
video that i did
it goes through everything i put a heavy
emphasis on that one
on the imagination because it's
something that's really really broken in
a lot of us
that we need to put more emphasis on and
start thinking a little bit more
about
the other two parts will and conviction
will being kind of where you get the
power
for the magic from right it's all of the
good intentions or it's all of the
intentions
it's all of the the truth and
you know the power of things we generate
energy so that we can generate energy to
feed
our magic we can feed energy from the
planet
i don't advise it in fact i tell people
not to do it but you can take energy
from other beings
you shouldn't do that but that's a i
i've already spoken about that
so and the last part being conviction
which is kind of the ritual
or the the part about the magic that
makes it real for the brain therefore
makes it
real within our collective consciousness
our
material world this material universe
and i don't think that is more important
than the other
and each one needs to be kind of
practiced
with will people tend to kind of
skip this where they're not consciously
drawing the energy from places
we tend to take it from things that we
shouldn't um
but if you generate it on your own and
it's done with
the best intentions then typically it's
a very potent type event will work well
for you
so uh that that's the best way to do it
and then when it comes to the conviction
part that's where people
also tend to fall really short is
because
we kind of lack discipline and
responsibility in a lot of different
ways in our lives
and to be a true magician you really
need a lot of discipline you need to be
practicing you need to be doing
everything over and over and over again
repeating all the steps even if it
doesn't work you keep
going and a lot of people
lack discipline nowadays so um
it's another thing to do is find
different ways in your life that you can
practice
discipline and
once your discipline is on point then
holding a conviction is
a lot easier you know because it's
really easy to believe something
it's really easy to want to believe
something i should say
but to truly believe it your actions
will fall in line
with the words that you're telling
yourself or that you're telling others
right like if you really believe that
something is the case you really believe
that it is that way and then you're just
going to start living
as if that's the truth right you're not
going to have to
constantly sit around waiting for some
type of validation to
support the convictions that you have
that's why they're convictions
and that's important for magic because
that's the part that actually creates
things in our world right it's the
ritual it's the closing of the circle of
the spell
if you're dealing with spells or um the
final agreement in the potion if that's
what you're doing
just for a couple metaphors but
it is the part that makes it real and
therefore it is a very very
very important part and conviction is
something that we should just
have in our lives right like it's
important to live your beliefs you can't
just say it
you have to live it if you don't want
something don't do it if you do want
something go get it you can't just sit
wherever you are and and hope and pray
and
that uh some something's going to happen
you have to
meet that energy in the middle with some
form of action
right so
that's magic and what i kind of want to
do
for a while now is tell you a story
about me to kind of give you some
i firmly believe that proof is always in
the results
and i can draw on my own experience
as proof of the result of magic because
most of you know me as the ruiner most
of you found me that way but my name is
shane and i had a life
as shane and the ruiner stuff is
hard to believe for the average person
right and it's also
something that if you don't already know
about you can't really wrap your head
around properly
but
there have been a lot of things that
shane has experienced
that um have nothing to do with that
that are very common and many of you may
relate
and i'm sure many many many many people
could relate
and i truly believe that we should show
our scars right we shouldn't
be afraid to share with others kind of
what we've been through the things that
have broken us the things that we've
rebuilt from
right these things are all very
important
so um
let's go through what you don't know
about
shane
so right from the day that shane was
born actually i'm not gonna keep talking
about myself to the third person i just
thought that was funny to
start um
birth is typically pretty traumatic
right we all kind of know that
have known that unless you do water
birthing or some type of natural
birthing
that process is a trauma inflection
point that we all eventually have to
deal with at some point in time in our
chat work obviously because it's the day
we're born it's
one of the later later later later
stages of it but it's there and we get
to it right i'm sure many of you have
we also know how the energy of what's
going on around
us at any given point in time is very
much
a cause and effect on us and
if other type of trauma is happening
maybe around us
not necessarily to us we take that on
especially when you're
and pathetic um you take that on right
it's it's it's part of
the experience
so on the day i was born there was
someone
that was a relative of mine trying to
strangle my father
at the same time as i was being born
over here
i was coming out breach so my mother had
to go for an emergency c-section that
almost killed her
so i've got you know everyone's regular
trauma and i've got
my father's drama and my mother's trauma
all happening simultaneously all at once
so right from there that was just kind
of setting the stage from
for where a lot of this was gonna go
i've been pretty open about the fact
that i was sexually abused as a child
and that didn't just happen within the
ruiner's life or what people know as the
illuminati
stuff that happened in shane's regular
everyday life as well
on a regular basis for a long time
so that part of the story is kind of
interchangeable
um i was
never really at home either my parents
were kind of a mess
um i was exposed to every level of
departure you could possibly imagine
when i was very young
wife swapping or at least name it i
probably saw it drugs alcohol all of
that stuff
by the time i was 15 i was living on my
own and trying to
you know work pay bills uh
go to school do all of that stuff so
it's just been a
you know right up to that point just
non-stop
you know all of those things that we
consider to be traumatic in life
um my
mother figure was not much of a mother
figure so i was constantly looking for
that
in other people thankfully i spent a
good amount of time with an
aunt who i've talked to you guys about
before um
who luckily for me um
it was a bit of a witch and taught me
ways of dealing with these things and
that way was magic
you know that's uh
the whole point of all of the
self-indulgent [ __ ] i'm putting you
through
is uh leading back to that
you know magic we we have power over all
of this right
so um on my father's side
it was also you know just as just as bad
because like
my biological father i knew um
threw a piece of glass first first time
i can remember ever seeing him was
through jail glass and
the second time was in a courtroom where
i was being asked
why the [ __ ] they used to ask kids this
like which of your parents you want to
live with
and then i didn't see him again until i
was about six
and that experience was i
won't go into the details of that
experience but that experience was
[ __ ] awful
and it was very very traumatic and my
mother my stepfather ended up having to
come and pick me up from it
in the middle of the night because of
the events of that day so
i had a stepfather as i've mentioned and
um
it's hard to say that he was really
abusive because he wasn't trying to be
malicious but he was one of those
old-school thinking men who thought that
you know in order to make a tough man
you make him tough right so
um by today's standards it's definitely
abuse and it would have been at the time
too but
you know it made me tough by the time i
was 12 i could fight his
grown adult friends so
my mother and father figures were always
people that i found other places in my
life
my aunt that i mentioned and her husband
were
kind of like a mother and father to me
as well i spent a lot of time with them
i had mentors on both sides
as well that um kind of shaped
any type of semblance of
you know what you're supposed to get
from your parents
i got from these these sources instead
so
when i was about 19
i have two younger brothers and they
uh were trying to live with my mother at
one point in time and
their father at another point in time
and obviously as i've
just illustrated that didn't work out
too well for them so they ended up
living
with me i was already a father by this
time i became a father at 18 years old
i started dating someone at 15 because
you know i didn't have a mother and i
probably had some pretty bad
codependency issues
right away right so um latched on to
that and i don't like hurting people and
she was in love with me
and you know one thing led to another
i'm 18 and a half kid and
don't want to do the same thing to my
kid that's been done to me right so
decisions decisions decisions this goes
on until there's a second kid
and i'm raising my brothers i've got all
these things and the reason why i'm
doing that is because
with everything that i've been through
it just made sense to me to use that
to help other people what else are you
going to do with it right
you can get really upset about it you
can let it destroy you but i didn't want
to do that so
i used it to help other people but
there was a lot of things i had to bury
in order to do that right
so when i was about 30 um
i decided to move to where i am now
toronto
and i took a good year to
reprogram myself from all of that stuff
and
kind of isolated a lot and
decided what i wanted right i imagined
it
i built up the will and what i wanted
right i imagined it
i built up the will but i kind of was
lacking conviction
there was a part of me that wasn't quite
feeling right
and um maybe wasn't quite believing
in the vision that i had but part of
that vision
involved you know um meetings
significant others settling down into a
life building some type of life with
that person
so right around that point in time where
i thought everything was going so well
and i was reading the signs
incorrectly as i found out in hindsight
i ended up in this relationship and that
relationship ended up being a kind of
manifestation of all of those problems
that i was not
dealing with because i was too busy
helping other people
but instead of recognizing that and
ending the relationship and doing
something about it i just turned around
and did the same thing i always did
which is
help this other person until i couldn't
anymore right and
that always kind of
if any of you have been in a
relationship that failed you know how
you kind of interlock your life with
that person
and anything you're doing working
creating any of that stuff
they're a part of that right like
they're they're connected
to that and if for whatever reason
it doesn't work out um you can be left
with half of everything that you've just
built kind of disappearing on you right
and that's a a danger in in
relationships just in general
but for me that happened on the end
of all of this other stuff
right and um there were reasons for that
that
would require me going back to the
ruiner story but
i i don't really want to do that and
just
i guess the point being that
i used magic in a very selfish way
and i didn't complete the proper process
and it led me into a karmic response
that was not
pleasant for me
so there's another lesson in magic
in the meantime
about three four years ago that
relationship
ended and um because of that i was
you know heartbroken and kind of
devastated and
[ __ ] went bad i started drinking a lot
after you know i didn't drink from the
age of like 16 to the time i was 36
it's kind of funny but then i got a real
quick
lesson in genetics because my parents
were both alcoholics and
i can drink really well i'm kind of a
pro
not going to brag but i kind of am and i
didn't know that because i didn't drink
my whole life but
um i started doing that a little bit too
much
because once again i didn't want to
deal with this codependent issue that i
had
right and
it was i kind of blinded myself to it
through my own ego because you know i
had this failed magic
ritual of mine that i thought worked but
didn't and i was like oh but i'm
you know i'm a magician this had to have
worked there must be something wrong
with
something besides me right but
anyways
i started to recover from that finally
and that leads us up to
i guess um almost two years ago
a year and a half ago
i was still doing something i knew i
shouldn't uh
in terms of maintaining a relationship
with someone i kind of just wanted to
see
i guess i wanted to see that i was right
and the only way to prove it to myself
the only way to make it real
for my mind was to see it really happen
so i
despite all of the best advice i sat
behind my own conviction and i wrote
that one out i'm glad that i did because
i saw and it worked so
once again i that's an example of magic
where i had
set out a goal imagined what that would
look like
put my will behind it and then wrote out
the conviction until
it was over and i got what i
asked for
so bring us to the beginning of this
year
i actually meant to do this a long time
ago uh in this talk i meant to
start off with this year but um
i think it's better this way actually
so in january i decided that i was going
to do this magic
to change everything over the next year
for myself
um i knew that there was one thing that
was kind of time dependent
but everything else i could start acting
on right away
and so i did and i think it was around
christmas last year
i think christmas day or boxing day that
i spent
the entire time envisioning this and
dreaming it up and
all of that stuff and doing what i tell
you to do
and then january 2nd i guess or january
january 2nd i put this into put this
into
um play i started doing the things to
create what i wanted um first thing i
did was
i really wanted to change a lot of
things about my body and my health
i find personally that shocking my body
really intensely
works really well so i had picked this
diet that was like an extreme
elimination
diet i don't trigger any vegans so i'm
not going to mention its name
and i was going to quit drinking just so
happened that the diet
requires that you don't drink so worked
out pretty well
in that sense but um i did it the whole
month of january i had
successfully gone through all of that
and then great like it
i had all the results that i wanted here
here we go let's continue on this
um in may i finally decided
that i had gotten the answer that i was
looking for in something and i decided
to close a door
and by doing that it freed up all of
this extra energy for me
that i was able to put into other things
and of course that was just after the
world went crazy
as we're all experiencing now so um
i decided what that was was i was going
to
manifest myself some type of employment
in some way
to uh fit my need
to help other people not poison other
people
um as well as you know fit the needs
that you know i have as a
human being having to pay bills and all
that jazz right
um i see this kind of future for myself
where i live in a
log cabin in the middle of nowhere uh
that i've built myself and everything
other than that requires money to get
there so
um
i imagined it i put my will behind it i
ran through my conviction
and i got it i got exactly wanted even
like kind of a step
up from what i'd asked for which is
pretty [ __ ] magical right pretty
[ __ ] awesome
and i think above all else what i can
say about this
year is i've just like i've felt good
there's been a lot of bad stuff that has
happened but
um i feel good like i my emotions are
they're kind of all over the place by
maybe an outside standards
they're outside observers but
it's because they're all working so well
everything's just so
clear and i'm having no problem really
expressing them or
i'm not holding myself back from
expressing them
i don't know what the point of that was
um one second i need to regain where i
was talking about
yeah so as the year has gone on nothing
that's really come along has really
knocked me off of that feeling
i um in february i lost my father my
biological father died which
as i was saying earlier i didn't really
know until i became an adult i wasn't
really a big fan of but
genetics being genetics he's my father
soul's being souls he's my father so it
mattered right
a very good friend of mine had taken his
own life a little bit after that
and then my grandfather died
and then
one of my best friends in the world died
give me a second all right
well all that was being taken away and
you know replaced with other great
things
i was able to stay on that wavelength
that i wanted to be
on this is an example of that
um
allowing magic to just flow through me
has allowed me to
not be so bothered by all of this stuff
that's going on
and all of the things that i have been
through
and i want you all to know that because
you've been through too
and i want us to be happy
so
over the course of my life i have
achieved a lot of the things that i
wanted to
um i think one of the first things i
wanted to do
everything is art for me i always want
to create something
tell stories that way so
music was first and i figured that out
i produced four albums with two
different bands
played all kinds of shows felt great
unfortunately i did that right at a
point in time where
the music industry was falling apart and
there was no way to make a living doing
that anymore without
[ __ ] killing yourself for it or
selling your soul for it so
um that was just not the way that i
chose to continue
um
while i was trying to figure out a new
way to do that this all came about
this ruiner stuff and these talks with
you guys and everything else that has
happened
um and i've really enjoyed
being able to help in this way
you know like i said when i started i
look at it like a bookshelf right
there's going to be books on the shelf
all the spots are going to be filled
and i've filled the book and i've put it
on the shelf
and i feel i've done that with a lot of
integrity and i know i've been honest
and i know i've been real and i know
i've tried to dispel a lot of the
[ __ ]
um as opposed to add to it
but how successful i've been i think
i've been pretty
successful i feel like i've been
successful and i guess that's what
matters
my
children all four of them talk about my
brothers as well
are four of the most beautiful human
beings i know
so i did all right right
but there's a difference between
achievement and purpose
i think maybe my purpose is to try and
help other people
but how am i going to do that is is the
big
question i think and um
i think the reason why i'm going through
all of this with you guys now
is because i don't think this is the way
um
i've been watching this community longer
than i've been a part of it as i've said
very
many times and
i just don't think i can keep adding to
it
any more than i already have
i noticed when i did the last
series there that it had exactly the
reaction that
i predicted and that's all well and good
i predicted it yay me i'm kind of tired
of being right about a lot of things
in my life so i'm allowing those things
to
leave my life right now i need to
refocus this creative energy
into something
it's you guys i keep seeing your words
look this way
[Music]
i need to refocus the energy into
something that's serving me better
and
i'm not exactly sure what that is yet
i think i have a pretty good idea
i just know it's about this so
i really didn't think i'd be crying
right now
i'm not sad so don't it's not that
i just a lot of different things
um
i really hope
we can all just live life you know
figure this being human thing i would
stop warring with imaginary ets
and maybe get back to um
figuring our own [ __ ] out
i don't know that i'm gonna be able to
reel this in so i might have to reel
this in
and end this video but
i love you and i know you know that
and um
thank you
when i figure that out i'm sure
those of you follow me on social media
i'll hear about it
but uh
i think the last words for this crossing
the river
stream should be just go listen to that
song
it's two choices it's pretty simple
stop [ __ ] it up okay
all right i love you guys
this sucks i'm sorry but uh
have a good night and
thank you for giving me this opportunity
to be a complete [ __ ] crazy person in
front of you
you're all beautiful magical powerful
creative beings
and you've proven that to me
over my adventure and interacting with
you so thank you
and uh until next time
goodbye